Praise the Lord! Today I felt God's peace again after such a long long time. It is undescribable. I felt enlighten in my spirit. I felt that a burden is lifted from me. I felt that I am moving back to the right track. I felt a strange re connection with God again. Thank you Jesus.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight."-Proverbs 3:5
This song came into my mind:
Turn your eyes upon Jesus;
Look full in His wonderful face.
And the things on earth,
Will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and Name.
Friday, October 3, 2014
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Desert
Life is abit messed up recently. I am dealing with some really tough situations. It sucks. Not only that, my spritiual level is low and dry. I know God is there, but He seems so far away from me. I miss His presence. I miss His voice.
I feel accused. I feel misunderstood. I feel unjustified. I feel angry. I feel hurt. I feel disappointed.
I believe things will eventually get better. If it doesn't get better, it's not the end of the lesson. God, whatever you want me to learn from this trial, may Your will be done. Just one small request: Please comfort me and grant me Your divine peace in times of need.
I hope the next post would be a post of break through and great testimony. Looking forward to that.
Ps. The optimistic and joyful Xingyin, you will come back soon. I promise.
I feel accused. I feel misunderstood. I feel unjustified. I feel angry. I feel hurt. I feel disappointed.
I believe things will eventually get better. If it doesn't get better, it's not the end of the lesson. God, whatever you want me to learn from this trial, may Your will be done. Just one small request: Please comfort me and grant me Your divine peace in times of need.
I hope the next post would be a post of break through and great testimony. Looking forward to that.
Ps. The optimistic and joyful Xingyin, you will come back soon. I promise.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
The Day
When results are out, there are probably three possible outcomes:
1) Very happy,
2) Satisfied, or
3) Disappointed.
And yea, I fall into the 'disappointed' category this time.
Despite that, I realise I have to face a few judgements. There will be people who tend to show a bunch of concerns towards you and when they know about your failure, ah ha, they are happy. Well, instead of being sulky and bitter, I told myself to pity on them because their measure of happiness are simply limited.
The human nature teaches us to be jealous when people do better than you. I disagree. What's the point of being jealous? ''You reap what you sow.'', that's all about it. I got to be happy for them; I am happy for them. God is happy for them. I reminded myself.
Yes, I cried an insultful cry.
But mum says,
''Girl, you just got to work harder next time.''---I suppose it's as simple as that after all.
1) Very happy,
2) Satisfied, or
3) Disappointed.
And yea, I fall into the 'disappointed' category this time.
Despite that, I realise I have to face a few judgements. There will be people who tend to show a bunch of concerns towards you and when they know about your failure, ah ha, they are happy. Well, instead of being sulky and bitter, I told myself to pity on them because their measure of happiness are simply limited.
The human nature teaches us to be jealous when people do better than you. I disagree. What's the point of being jealous? ''You reap what you sow.'', that's all about it. I got to be happy for them; I am happy for them. God is happy for them. I reminded myself.
Yes, I cried an insultful cry.
But mum says,
''Girl, you just got to work harder next time.''---I suppose it's as simple as that after all.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
以谦卑带领敬拜
今天首次在Nilai Methodist教会带领敬拜。 怎么说呢？ 也许上帝想教我如何谦卑吧。
起先，我以’叫我抬起头的神‘为开幕，再以 So You Would Come, 耶稣我需要你，Thank You for the cross 来待续。 对众反应不错。但是接下来的 Shine Like Stars 却成为我心中的羞耻。这首歌大家都很不熟悉。本来想说可以介绍给大家，因为本人觉得这首歌还蛮不错的。但是俗话说啊：“期望越高，失望越大。” 我经历的正是如此。当我介绍起这首歌的时候，大家看起来闷闷的。我慌起来，结果接下来把整个气氛都搞砸了。
一直以来，我都深信上帝赐给我了‘台上秀’的天赋。回想起第一次在肖邦教会握起麦克风带领敬拜后，有数位姐妹会向前称赞几句，我的尾巴都翘得高高的。同样的，今天的我自信满满。我明白，带领敬拜主要是为上帝而服侍，绝不是要炫耀自己的才华。我也常常祷告，让神能够掌管一切。我祈求神说，神啊，我知道傲慢是我的弱点。如果我自以为是，你就大大的让我跌倒，我才能学习。
果真，这慈悲的上帝聆听我祷告，给我今天跌了一脚。感谢主，这一脚不严重，是个小小的警告和提醒。虽然说蛮伤心，蛮难过的。但是没关系，这次的教训会让我下次更谨慎吧。
起先，我以’叫我抬起头的神‘为开幕，再以 So You Would Come, 耶稣我需要你，Thank You for the cross 来待续。 对众反应不错。但是接下来的 Shine Like Stars 却成为我心中的羞耻。这首歌大家都很不熟悉。本来想说可以介绍给大家，因为本人觉得这首歌还蛮不错的。但是俗话说啊：“期望越高，失望越大。” 我经历的正是如此。当我介绍起这首歌的时候，大家看起来闷闷的。我慌起来，结果接下来把整个气氛都搞砸了。
一直以来，我都深信上帝赐给我了‘台上秀’的天赋。回想起第一次在肖邦教会握起麦克风带领敬拜后，有数位姐妹会向前称赞几句，我的尾巴都翘得高高的。同样的，今天的我自信满满。我明白，带领敬拜主要是为上帝而服侍，绝不是要炫耀自己的才华。我也常常祷告，让神能够掌管一切。我祈求神说，神啊，我知道傲慢是我的弱点。如果我自以为是，你就大大的让我跌倒，我才能学习。
果真，这慈悲的上帝聆听我祷告，给我今天跌了一脚。感谢主，这一脚不严重，是个小小的警告和提醒。虽然说蛮伤心，蛮难过的。但是没关系，这次的教训会让我下次更谨慎吧。
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Visions
Humans. Humans everywhere. Being one of those, I withdraw from the circle. While sitting in this vibrant hall alone, I gaze my vision around. Thoughts deepen....
Six are in a group. Two heartily chatting. Perhaps the one with a red cap fit in not, self-absorbing in his screen. Probably due to his race.
Here is a lonesome guy sitting infront of me. Quiet. I wonder how does he feel. Wanting to get the enrollment done? Or feeling insecure? He has been staring the crowds for long. Finally, he moves his head a little..
Oh, and the queue. Patience. A life-long lesson. Every moment requires patience. Students being eager to finish classes. Hungry husband rushing home for delicacies. Mother-to-be eager for her child to be hatched. Drivers eagerly waiting for red to green. What is patience?
A Malay maiden has gotten her enrollment done. Relieved, she left the exit, seems enlighten.
I held up my head, there he is. Looking at me, as gentle as always. Assuring my existence. A little smile is coveyed. Warmth difused through the air-conditioned space, our hearts tied. Alas, it's his turn for enrollment. Well, I guess it's time. Bye. :)
Six are in a group. Two heartily chatting. Perhaps the one with a red cap fit in not, self-absorbing in his screen. Probably due to his race.
Here is a lonesome guy sitting infront of me. Quiet. I wonder how does he feel. Wanting to get the enrollment done? Or feeling insecure? He has been staring the crowds for long. Finally, he moves his head a little..
Oh, and the queue. Patience. A life-long lesson. Every moment requires patience. Students being eager to finish classes. Hungry husband rushing home for delicacies. Mother-to-be eager for her child to be hatched. Drivers eagerly waiting for red to green. What is patience?
A Malay maiden has gotten her enrollment done. Relieved, she left the exit, seems enlighten.
I held up my head, there he is. Looking at me, as gentle as always. Assuring my existence. A little smile is coveyed. Warmth difused through the air-conditioned space, our hearts tied. Alas, it's his turn for enrollment. Well, I guess it's time. Bye. :)
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Saturday, June 15, 2013
A Non-believer Father
Interfaith couples are all around the world, including my parents. Here, I would like to share about my thoughts as a daughter who is raised by a God-fearing mother and a back-slided father, in other words, non-christian.
My dad was once a newly-saved christian during his young adult hood 20 over years back then. My mum was actually awared about the fact that his foundation was not firmly grounded, but she married him in believing that their faith can be strengthened through their marriage. However, it turned the other way round.
My dad is now a highly respectable doctor and a reputable politician among our community, not to mention, he is also a truly successful entrepenuer with various investments. And that explains why he gradually turned away from God not long after. Subsequently, he is engulfed by his pride and becomes extremely realistic to the extend that as long as he opens his mouth, he talks about money, status, status, money. He doesn't believe in God's grace and would never allow God to plan for him. On the other hand, my mum is a woman of God who is firmly rooted with the Word. If it wasn't because of her consistent faith, I wouldn't have receive the greatest gift of all ---- by knowing Jesus Christ as my personal saviour.
My mum emphasises a lot on bringing up her children in God's way and she would sternly warn my dad not to interfere. Therefore, my dad has always kept an eye closed as he knows that it is far from possible to go against my mum from bringing the children to church. However, whenever we children being immatured and rebellious during our teenage years, dad would grab this opportunity to put the blame on my mum and the church without hesitation.
Flashing back to my childhood days, I could vividly remember how my two elder brothers and me would gather together with my mum for bed time story. Mum would share with us many interesting biblical stories. I remembered when I started to acknowledge about the fact that believing Jesus Christ is the only way to eternal life, I was so worried and repeatingly asked my mum that whether dad would enter hell. Mum would always reply,'' I don't know, but let's pray for your daddy's salvation.''
I recall the times where mum and dad would quarral vigorously regarding their different opinions. Dad would get so annoyed and irritated, while mum would get exteremely disappointed and bitter at the end of the arguments. I could remember I was sitting on my mum's laps while they were quarraling. Mum was tearing while dad would yell at my mum with nasty words. Dad would try twisting the truth and mum would feel offended. These went on for many years. There was once where mum came to me and said,'' Girl, I ve prayed for 20 years and there's no answer from God. I think it is time to give up.'' Naiive and straight, I jumped up immediately, with eyes widely opened and replied with determination,'' No way! You can't give up! God is testing you! You can't be defeated now!''
Many times I felt sorry for my mum as I thought she deserves a God-fearing man who can love her dearly. I always wonder whether mum regrets marrying my dad and she would reply calmly,'' Well, no use crying over spilt milk. I used to dream of marrying a lovely Christian man too. But since I had chosen your father, then I have to live with it. Over the years I ve learned that it's useless to argue. I ve learned to try the soft way and to respect him as a husband. It's all about setting an example for him and God, yea know.''
Despite the unpleasant circimstances, I still thank God that my family is still considered as good. We live in a very wealthy situation where there isn't much issue about lacking of money. Dad has been a very good provider and a responsible father who hopes for the best future for his children. He is a man with policy with certain ethical values. As the only daughter in the household, he would treat me as his extremely precious one. I respect him a lot and is always proud of him. I am more than thankful for the strings of blessings that I ve received. However, deep within inside, I still mourn that he isn't a follower of Christ. Many times, I could get swayed by his statements and get confused. Dad would occasionally try to brain wash me by pulling me away from my faith. Then, I would quickly pray in my heart that God would help me to stand firm.
Like many others, I long to have a Godly father to guide me in God's way, discipline me through the teachings of Bible, and encourage me by worshipping God together and by prayers. I understand that nobody is prefect, and perhaps people might think that I am being too ungrateful for demanding for so much. But hey, you got the wrong point. Nothing is more important to see him coming back to God, even if we are not wealthy at all. I MEAN IT. As stated in Timothy 6:10, it is written, '' For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.'' I hate to see my dad walking towards the money path.
Nevertheless, I always believe that the seeds have been planted and God is surely working on him. Perhaps through my mum's influence and our prayers, dad occasionally agrees to attend church specifically during Christmas. There was once where Sunday service just ended, all of a sudden a church member approached my mum and said,'' Hey, I saw your husband!'' It truly brings joy to us whenever we see dad taking a step towards his faith. Perhaps my dad is just too shy. Perhaps he's just not ready to put down his ego so soon. Through these two years, I ve been trying hard to communicate and spend time with him, hoping that I can remove the multiple layers in his heart. Although sometimes it may seem like forever, but still I choose to cling on to God's promise, waiting for His perfect timing.
Ps. Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved--you and your household.--- Acts 16:31
My dad was once a newly-saved christian during his young adult hood 20 over years back then. My mum was actually awared about the fact that his foundation was not firmly grounded, but she married him in believing that their faith can be strengthened through their marriage. However, it turned the other way round.
My dad is now a highly respectable doctor and a reputable politician among our community, not to mention, he is also a truly successful entrepenuer with various investments. And that explains why he gradually turned away from God not long after. Subsequently, he is engulfed by his pride and becomes extremely realistic to the extend that as long as he opens his mouth, he talks about money, status, status, money. He doesn't believe in God's grace and would never allow God to plan for him. On the other hand, my mum is a woman of God who is firmly rooted with the Word. If it wasn't because of her consistent faith, I wouldn't have receive the greatest gift of all ---- by knowing Jesus Christ as my personal saviour.
My mum emphasises a lot on bringing up her children in God's way and she would sternly warn my dad not to interfere. Therefore, my dad has always kept an eye closed as he knows that it is far from possible to go against my mum from bringing the children to church. However, whenever we children being immatured and rebellious during our teenage years, dad would grab this opportunity to put the blame on my mum and the church without hesitation.
Flashing back to my childhood days, I could vividly remember how my two elder brothers and me would gather together with my mum for bed time story. Mum would share with us many interesting biblical stories. I remembered when I started to acknowledge about the fact that believing Jesus Christ is the only way to eternal life, I was so worried and repeatingly asked my mum that whether dad would enter hell. Mum would always reply,'' I don't know, but let's pray for your daddy's salvation.''
I recall the times where mum and dad would quarral vigorously regarding their different opinions. Dad would get so annoyed and irritated, while mum would get exteremely disappointed and bitter at the end of the arguments. I could remember I was sitting on my mum's laps while they were quarraling. Mum was tearing while dad would yell at my mum with nasty words. Dad would try twisting the truth and mum would feel offended. These went on for many years. There was once where mum came to me and said,'' Girl, I ve prayed for 20 years and there's no answer from God. I think it is time to give up.'' Naiive and straight, I jumped up immediately, with eyes widely opened and replied with determination,'' No way! You can't give up! God is testing you! You can't be defeated now!''
Many times I felt sorry for my mum as I thought she deserves a God-fearing man who can love her dearly. I always wonder whether mum regrets marrying my dad and she would reply calmly,'' Well, no use crying over spilt milk. I used to dream of marrying a lovely Christian man too. But since I had chosen your father, then I have to live with it. Over the years I ve learned that it's useless to argue. I ve learned to try the soft way and to respect him as a husband. It's all about setting an example for him and God, yea know.''
Despite the unpleasant circimstances, I still thank God that my family is still considered as good. We live in a very wealthy situation where there isn't much issue about lacking of money. Dad has been a very good provider and a responsible father who hopes for the best future for his children. He is a man with policy with certain ethical values. As the only daughter in the household, he would treat me as his extremely precious one. I respect him a lot and is always proud of him. I am more than thankful for the strings of blessings that I ve received. However, deep within inside, I still mourn that he isn't a follower of Christ. Many times, I could get swayed by his statements and get confused. Dad would occasionally try to brain wash me by pulling me away from my faith. Then, I would quickly pray in my heart that God would help me to stand firm.
Like many others, I long to have a Godly father to guide me in God's way, discipline me through the teachings of Bible, and encourage me by worshipping God together and by prayers. I understand that nobody is prefect, and perhaps people might think that I am being too ungrateful for demanding for so much. But hey, you got the wrong point. Nothing is more important to see him coming back to God, even if we are not wealthy at all. I MEAN IT. As stated in Timothy 6:10, it is written, '' For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.'' I hate to see my dad walking towards the money path.
Nevertheless, I always believe that the seeds have been planted and God is surely working on him. Perhaps through my mum's influence and our prayers, dad occasionally agrees to attend church specifically during Christmas. There was once where Sunday service just ended, all of a sudden a church member approached my mum and said,'' Hey, I saw your husband!'' It truly brings joy to us whenever we see dad taking a step towards his faith. Perhaps my dad is just too shy. Perhaps he's just not ready to put down his ego so soon. Through these two years, I ve been trying hard to communicate and spend time with him, hoping that I can remove the multiple layers in his heart. Although sometimes it may seem like forever, but still I choose to cling on to God's promise, waiting for His perfect timing.
Ps. Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved--you and your household.--- Acts 16:31
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