What is the right time to enter into a relationship?---By Kuya Kevin

Valentine's Day is quickly approaching! I'll start posting some articles about the ever-popular love life topic.


There’s an old expression for kids who fall in love: “puppy love.” Puppy love is wonderful—if you want to catch rabies.

One of the most frequently asked questions I hear is, “what is the right age to get involved in a relationship?” My first answer is a joke—I tell them “30.” After the students stop laughing I give them my real answer.

What is the right age? You are ready for a relationship if you are prepared to get married within a reasonable amount of time. I agree with many Christian authors on this point—dating/courting should be preparation for marriage. If you cannot seriously think about marriage, you should not be involved in an exclusive relationship with the opposite sex.

I see “puppy love” all the time here in Manila. I see high school kids walking around the mall holding hands. The college students also make decisions that are unwise and directly contradict their own plans. I often ask a crowd of students what age they would like to get married. Most of them say “25.” This is how I respond: “Guys, you are all about 17 years old (some groups of students are even younger). Do you plan to court someone for 8 years?” Teenagers are often eager to find a boyfriend/girlfriend without considering the real future of the relationship.

What do I mean by being ready to marry? I’ll give you a few factors.

Emotionally Ready: Marriage is for people who are emotionally mature. From a scientific/biological standpoint, we know that the brain continues to mature into the mid-twenties. This does not mean that we are automatically matured by age 25, nor does it mean all teenagers are immature. I have met some 30 year olds who act like they are still 13. I’ve met some 17 year olds who are quite level-headed and mature. Even the most mature teenager, however, will probably be wiser by the time he/she is in the mid-twenties.
Here are just a few questions to evaluate your emotional maturity:
Are you easy to get along with?
How do you respond when you don’t get your way?
Do you know how to compromise?
Can you discuss disagreements without fighting?
Do you fight with your friends or girlfriend/boyfriend over petty (unimportant) things?
Can you put someone else’s needs ahead of your own?
Are you ready to share 100% of your life with someone?
Do you understand your goals/purpose in life?
Can you honestly express what you feel?
Are you overly jealous?
Are you honest and trustworthy?
Are you too sensitive or insensitive?
Are you overly dramatic?

Of course, all of us could improve in these areas, but the “typical” teenager needs a lot of improvement (especially a young teenager). This is why most teenagers are not ready for marriage. Of course there are exceptions—there are people who get married at 18 and live happily ever after. Generally speaking, however, most teens are not ready for a lifetime commitment (especially when considering the other factors that I’m about to tell you).
Financially Ready: Men, don’t bother pursuing a serious relationship if you are not financially ready to take care of a family (or able to get to that point soon). Women, don’t commit yourself to a man who has not proven himself to be a good provider. I know this sounds materialistic or “unromantic,” but there’s nothing more “unromantic” than wondering where your next meal will come from. I don’t mean that a guy has to be “rich,” just financially stable. Both men and women should look for someone who is disciplined financially.
Spiritually Ready: A marriage relationship should glorify God. The Bible often compares marriage to God’s relationship with His people (the Church is called the Bride of Christ, for example). You can only glorify God with your relationships if you are spiritually mature yourself. Focus on your relationship with God before focusing on romantic relationships. I do not mean that you need a perfect spiritual life to be ready. I simply mean that you need to learn the basics of walking with God.
Let me make a few more observations based on what I’ve seen and even my own experience. Again, these are just observations, so there are exceptions. Regardless, I think it is good to pay attention:

1. High School crushes rarely produce marriages. In other words, you most likely will not marry your teenage crush.

2. Some of us are very thankful that #1 is true. No offense to the girls of my high school/college, but now I’m glad that those relationships didn’t happen or “work out” for whatever reason. The reason is this—we often don’t really know who/what is good for us when we are still teenagers. Sometimes we look back and say, “what was I thinking—why in the world did I even like that person?”

3. Generally speaking, more harm than good seems to come out of teenage romance (especially high school and first year college). I see a lot more broken hearts than happy endings. One might argue that having crushes and having your heart broken is simply a part of being a teenager. This may be true. My concern, however, is that many kids make their suffering worse by pursuing relationships when they are way too young.

After reading this article, you may think I’m the “anti-cupid.” I’m not (promise). I'm actually a very romantic guy, and I look forward to meeting my "special someone." I simply want you to approach relationships realistically, with eyes wide open.

Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right.
-Song of Solomon 8:4

Kari Jobe- Steady My Heart

So right after I posted the previous post, God revealed this song to me through facebook. :)



Verse 1:
 
Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much

Pre-Chorus:

But You're here
You're real
I know I can trust You


Chorus:

Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You 
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scarsYou steady my heart (x2)

Verse 2 :

I'm not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of your hand
Each and every moment
What's good and what gets broken
Happens just the way that You plan

Bridge:

And I will run to You
You're my refuge in Your arms
And I will sing to You
Cause of everything You are

End:

You steady my heart (x2)

Chain -- The Pasts

I bet most of us have ever encountered that very moment, where you just felt like releasing all your emotions, those you have kept deep within your heart for quite sometime.

Yeap, I had it this very morning. Well actually I dreamed of my mum having some sort of sickness and was dying soon. The pain was there, and I actually teared out through the dream. The moment I opened my eyes,the sensation was still there. I literally broke down. I thought of my family member,the one whom we had prayed for so many years.I thought of the ones who had hurt me,one by one,through my life hood. I remembered how they treated me, judged me, isolated me,teamed up to go against me,teased me to the ground,etc. The severe pimply face that I used to have. The abnormal amount of legs hair that I had. The feeling of rejection was so real.

I thought of the struggles that I've been through for overcoming the nightmare--Asthma. It was not easy. It was difficult. I remembered how the hospital had become my second home. I remembered how the doctor prescribed the enormous number of tablets for a little child to be swallowed. I remembered how hard it was to be not able to breath. I remembered the sleepless nights.I remembered the fear of dying.I remembered the fear of losing. I remembered how the nurse injected me to put me to sleep. I remembered how the wires were placed on my seven-year old body. I remembered how the oxygen tubes were inserted into my nostrils. I remembered how my wad was pushed roughly into the lift and to the ICU, I remembered how my mum cried to Jesus. I remembered the pain that my mum had suffered. I remembered how much she wanted to replace my condition.....

I guess all of these that I've been through have indeed brought to the present me. Yes,I have become stronger. Yes,I have learnt my mistakes. Yes,I have realised a lot. However on the other hand ,there's a small portion of residue. The weak parts. The scars. The feeling of insecurity. The feeling of being rejected. The over self-consciousness. Self-rejection. The emptiness. The feeling of longing for love. Loneliness. Dry. Trying a little harder than the others to fit in.

Nevertheless,I DO thank God. I knew He has never forsaken me. He never left me. He was,and is so GOOD to me. He did pull me through every moment. He did help me in improving. He did fulfill my needs.I know putting Him first in everything is the best way. I know I should surrender myself to Him. However, I have a confusion.


Spending the entire whole morning listening to one song---I just want You,Planetshakers.
The lyrics go,'I just want you Jesus,I just want You my Lord.'  Yes. Lord,I truly just want You.  I want You. I crave for Your love. I crave for being real close to You. I truly want to walk in Your ways. But how?

I remembered God once told me through a pastor that He will fill me with His love. Yes,I was touched and I believe it. I know love is there,but how am i supposed to feel His love? Why do I feel so spiritually dry and insecure?  Is it by following His ways? By reading the bible and meditate? By praying constantly? By showing love and compassion towards others? 

 

                                                Far away it seems...